Déjà vu

It’s 4 in the morning, I’m standing on the station waiting for my train and its freezing cold. I can barely open my mouth. The sun hasn’t risen in this part of the world yet, it’s still dark.

I look around for people…no one!

Oh! wait someone’s here. Very far though! It’s dark and foggy out here I can’t see clearly.

I have nothing to do, I can’t use my phone because if I take my hand out it’ll freeze and moreover my phone’s dead. But the train must be arriving now.

‘why did I not bring my gloves?’ I thought to my-self.

Ah! I can’t open my eyes! This bright light… it’s hurting. Where’s it coming from? This noise…oh the train’s nearing!

Before stepping in, I glanced rightwards! The person’s nearing, it’s a young man. He wants to catch the train maybe but he’s too slow!

I get in the train. It’s been 2 minutes the train will start anytime now. Wait that man…where’d he go? I got up to see if he’s around.

As I stood up, there he was!

He’s in a Black coat… a black long trench coat!

The train started. All of a sudden, the ambience, the air around it all seemed so familiar. How’s this happening? It’s been 7 years since I travelled in a train, and this man? Why do I feel I know him…?

I was still standing but my legs were shaking by the thought. It was creepy! Also, turns out the man’s seat was next to me. I wanted to have a closer look of his face but he was right next to me, it was a long journey and I didn’t want to make it awkward for us.

I sit down looking out of the window, that blackness outside was something I did recall seeing before it was almost absolute!

I then tilted my head towards the sky where I could see millions of bright stars embedded in the velvety dark night sky but none of that light was strong enough to filter through the jungle to make any difference. I wanted to avoid the thoughts of me having been here with this person before. But I just couldn’t.

It’s happened before…

I closed my eyes.

Some scene flashed before my eyes.

I can see me! I’m a little girl. There’s a man right next to me, black coat! A black trench coat! It’s my brother Arman. We’re standing by the train door. There’s a lot of noise caused by the train. Our station’s approaching. He looks at me, smiles and says ‘home’s here’

I see something outside; I ask Arman what it is. He moves a little further to see. I’m standing on his laces and when he steps forward, he trips and… he’s gone!

 

My eyes open. By now my heart was racing! I look around where’s that man?

I rushed to find him by the door. I pulled him in.

I closed the train door.

It’s déjà vu!

The man was a complete stranger, the train was different, it was some other day, still it all reminded me of… of that cold night. I knew… had a feeling of this happening before. This incident was buried somewhere within me. We never talked about that day at home. This had to happen.

The stranger looked at me with curiosity!

I wanted to explain him everything, my instinct, my feelings… but I let go of the thought. It’s better if he thinks of me as a weirdo. It’s something just too personal to share. I just smiled and went back to my seat.

I miss you Arman, I really do…

I look out and get lost in the stars again.

Whatever just happened was all making sense now.

~Rishita Sanya